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"Sprightly little things, they are," enthused Miss Naples; "sprightly little things, but full of venom. Did you know one little nip can kill you in seconds?"

Suzy braced herself for another panic attack, feeling the wicker chair slightly buckle under her weight.

"Now what magazine are you from, dear?"

"The Wildlife Chronicle," she replied, quickly scouring the floor for any creepy crawlies. She could see one nestling under Miss Naples' chair; eight prickly legs bristling out from a stiff segmented torso.

Her attaché case lingered close but she didn't bother retrieving it, nor her pad and pencil for that matter.

Damn. Was that an itch at the back of her neck or something scuttling along? She smiled hesitantly. Outside, the rain could be heard pounding against the windowpanes.

"Yes," Miss Naples sat perched high on the edge of her armchair complete with a pearly necklace dangling from her neck. "Let me tell you about the first time I collected venom. I was a nurse in India when one of my companions, a zoologist, got bitten by a tarantula.

"Now, we were in the middle of nowhere with no adequate medical provisions around and the poor man was bitten right here." She quickly rolled up her cardigan sleeve to reveal the best part of an anorexic elbow. Tapped it with her habitually mittened hand. "See?" she pursed her lips.

Suzy winced in response.

"What did you do?" She could imagine hundreds of them running up her back, seeking refuge under her thick, dark hair.

"Do..?" said Miss Naples. "I simply sucked the venom out and spat it into a container."

"Of course. Really, dear... There's nothing to it," she added with a touch of reassurance. "The hard part was distilling the venom from the poor man's blood!"

Suzy didn't quite comprehend. "Distilling it?" She asked, shifting awkwardly.

With an expression of disdain, Miss Naples drew out a tiny perfume bottle no bigger than her little finger.

"Hmm..," she uttered , holding it up against the light. "This is the very sample. I admit it's clotted up now but it's still potent."

No sooner had the cap been pulled off when a sharp, putrid stink filled the room.

Suzy recoiled back instantly. Miss Naples, on the other hand, took a good long sniff.

"Em, it's a bit off," she announced with a grimace, "but you can always tell how potent a spider's venom is by smelling it...In fact the same goes for a rabbit's droppings." She took another educated whiff. "Yes, that's about right. Would you, em...?"

"No thanks," Suzy blurted out, hand cupped to mouth. "I… I don't think so."

"It'll clear up your sinuses!"

Somewhat disgruntled, her host slipped the bottle out of view.

"Now let me tell you about the time I-"

"Em, what happened to the man?" came the polite interruption.

"What man, dear?"

"The zoologist.." "Zoologist?" Miss Naples furrowed her brow. "What are you talking about?"

"The man you sucked the venom out of," clarified Suzy.

"Oh, him!" came the sharp, visible retort with a contemptuous wave of the hand "he was already dead by the time I'd gotten my first mouthful..."

Suzy stared in disbelief.

"Ah, yes. Now let me tell you the time I sucked the venom out of a seven inch scorpion."

"Yes, dear." Miss Naples leant forward, lights dancing in her eyes. "Seven inches long. Pincers like those of a crab. Oh, don't worry, it was dead at the time. I'd managed to kill it without crushing the tail; that's where the sting is."

"Unfortunately," she suddenly sighed with regret, " I don't have much to show for it- the most you can get out of a scorpion is a quarter cup! Actually it was my fault. I'd swallowed some."

"And you didn't die?" The words came out like buckshot.

"Of course not," Miss Naples looked a bit flustered. "I'd kept some urine in my mouth to neutralise it's venom, but for some reason jerked and swallowed the lot."

Suzy tasted bile rising at the back of her throat. "Ugh... I see."

Precisely that moment the old-style Grandfather clock struck seven. Realising it was getting a bit late, she attempted to take her leave.

But her host hadn't quite finished yet. "Just sit down," she asserted, scooping out a large, square-shaped object from underneath her chair. For some reason it was draped over by a cloth. "Would you like a demonstration?" she asked.

"Em, well not really, thanks… I'd like to, but I'm afraid-"

Suddenly the cloth was swept back to reveal a hideous, multi-legged creature thrashing about in a glass container. Two bristly abdomens twitched inseparably while a large, misshapen head spouted pus and venom from a fanged, open mouth.

"Wh… what the hell is it?" Suzy mouthed in a tone of disgust and amazement.

Miss Naples slipped off her mitten to show a digitless hand, except for the stub of a protruding thumb.

"You see," she began licking her lips, "it's only while he's chewing away that I can actually get a chance to suck the venom out..."

And with that, she plunged it straight in.

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