Easter Con:- The report
Sou’Wester (EasterCon 1994)

by Sarita Marsland

Again the North of England holds the National Science Fiction convention. Liverpool was the venue for the fun, adventure and veiwing of semi-naked bodies.

Read on now as I describe in gross detail the amazing, astounding and plain funny things which went on at the Adelphi hotel over the course of four days.

Friday

Arrived at the Con after getting very lost in a strange traffic system which you could only find in Liverpool. On arrival we were handed our Con badges and a ‘Read me’ booklet which detailed all the exciting activities we could undertake.

At 4 O’Clock we had two great panels to go to. Cryptically entitled ‘Molten Glass and Liquid Helium’, the second ‘Mini dresses to Mini guns.’ At this point in the proceedings I would very much like to give you a full and detailed account of what happened at these panels. Unfortunately we all went to the Real Ale bar instead. Here my father managed to drink four pints in under an hour. After this a strange transformation occurred. My beloved father became the beer incarnated, a real life, fun for all the family Wobbly Bob (batteries not included.) So he promptly collapsed in the hotel lounge with the other 200 fans who had decided on a similar course of action. And thus we missed the Opening Ceremony. But as my mate Paul remarked ‘No tru Fan would go to that, it’s boring.’

At 7pm after the dealers room had closed and we had been fed as the local pizza hut, we actually made it to an event- the Murder Mystery workshop 1. Indeed, it was well worth the effort. It appeared that at the opening ceremony, which we had cunningly missed, the ruler of the Universe - Tiger Hobbes, had been assassinated. Six devilish means had been used. These included shooting, explosions, a death ray and a comical one ton weight being dropped on his head. Clues had been left by the murder(s). Our job was to trace one of the clues and find the villain.

So filled with the greatest of excitement and incurable inquisitiveness we thought, ‘Sod this, it’s too much like hard work lets go and sit in the bar instead.’

And so we did until 10 pm when a strange and wondrous thing occurred. The Preston S.F group left the bar. Why?? I hear you cry. What possible excitement could get them to leave the warmth and safety, not to mention the wobbly Bob of the bar. The answer is, of course, a dangerous and rare substance. that which we intelligentauls call ‘Free

Booze’ at the Evolution bid party. NB: Evolution were bribing people to vote for them to run the 1996 Eastercon. Bidding against them were Devolution a spoof bid. And so ended the first fannish day of Easter.

Saturday

Lots to do again, but still lot’s of Wobbly Bob to drink. Arriving at 11am we had time enough to walk around the dealers room. This meant we could look at the silly prices on the books and say to each other. ‘I’m not paying that, it’s a total rip off.’ Then the correct response is issued.

‘Nevermind it will be 10p on Monday.’

At 1pm we did make it to a workshop called, ‘The Inconceivable Egg race.’ The idea was to make an egg carrying vehicle. Whoever’s went the furtherest won an Easter egg. Two rules applied. One:- No throwing was allowed and two:- A helium filled balloon must be used. The P.S.F.G achieved third place after our device become stuck on the ceiling due to one to many balloons. Dave O’Neil was reported to have said ‘We waz robbed.’ (and then he collapsed?!)

After this brave venture out into the open we managed to stay with the Wobbly Bob for a good few hours. That is, until we were tempted by the CyberGames Maze. What on Earth is that I hear you scream. Well boys and girls, it’s a real life computer game competition. That made it completely clear didn’t it. The best games were the live action Tetris and this was only to be surpassed by the live action Lemmings. This involved 150 fans, most with IQ’s over 140, walking about the main hall becoming blockers, walkers and climbers. Not many became diggers or parachutists. When the game became totally out of hand we nuked the whole room and returned to the bar. At was great fun I promise you, but maybe you need four pints of Wobbly Bob to appreciate the finer points. And that’s what we had next so we could appreciate or is that tolerate the Masquerade.

It is true that’s semi-naked bodies were to be found there. Teddy won the ‘Best Legs’ award. He set them off beautifully with red knickers and black stockings. After this free alcohol was to be found at the intersection party, as were we.

Sunday

Arriving at 11am we walked to the bar managing to miss all the panels until 6pm that night. Then we went to the Murder Mystery workshop 2. After leaving someone else to follow up the clues we discovered our clues led to the villain ‘Cat Woman.’ Other villains were Data, Captain Scarlet, Darth Varder, Daffy Duck and the femfan Barbara Mascetti. The subjects were questioned under the guidance of the sheriff of Nottingham. It’s true that it seems very surreal but it cant’s be blamed on the Wobbly Bob, or can it?

After this we went back to the bar, exhausted from complete lack of sleep and to much wobbly Bob. We seemed to sit in the bar until Monday.

Monday

By now we had completely mastered conventions, we managed to go to none of the events. I did try to go to the juggling workshop, but such was the state of my mind I ended up in a store cupboard. Don’t ask me how, I don’t know. We left at 4pm and so missed the closing ceremony. But as my mate Paul remarked ‘No proper fan would go to that, it’s boring.’

And here my report ends, bar one last detail. I have since learnt that the supreme ruler of the Universe - First Tiger Hobbes is in fact alive and staged his own death to test his security.

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